In August 2020, in the bleakness of another Australian winter and the early, uncertain days of the COVID pandemic, my husband introduced me to a wellness app that was being shared by his workplace to support physical and mental health.
Not only was the full, premium subscription being given to all of their international employees for the duration of pandemic restrictions, but it was also being extended for use by up to five family members.
While I thought this was very generous of his company – I’m still trying to work out how much that would have cost across their global workforce – I was sceptical of what the app itself could offer.
I rolled my eyes with mock drama at my husband as I scrolled through various 4-minute meditations, 10-minute yoga sessions, and live group exercise activities. And then, I distinctly remember the moment when these words left my mouth –
“Who has got time for this type of thing, anyway?!”
And then, I suddenly heard myself.
In the middle of a national lockdown, with work, events, and family gatherings cancelled and my ‘normal’ life utterly on hold, I was saying that I didn’t have 4 minutes to check in and do something for myself.
Was I being for real?
For all the busy work and important activities with which I managed to fill my day, how I actually felt, what I really thought, how I spoke to myself inside my head, and how I treated my body were a long way down my list of priorities.
I had failed to hold a regular exercise routine since I’d moved on from the adrenaline kick of competitive dance, mostly because if my toes weren’t bleeding and I wasn’t completely lathered in sweat, I didn’t see the point of putting on my activewear.
And… meditation. Not for a lack of trying, I was a complete novice, utterly failing at the idea of sitting still and thinking about ‘nothing’. For someone who was bright and could always think through what I needed to do, this concept was bamboozling to me. It was a world I didn’t understand.
Behind this also was the nagging question that in not prioritising myself, was I actually prioritising the people, places, and things that mattered to me? Was my life zipping by with me taking for granted what I loved while I was just doing ‘busy’ work?
In that moment, I decided I was never going to get a better opportunity to explore the stories that I was telling myself. Here I was with my entire life’s ‘to do’ list wiped clean, time and space in my day, and even a free app being offered to guide me into exploration of myself 4 minutes at a time!
Fast forward nearly 5 years, not only did I find that 4 minutes for myself, I now dedicate at least 1-2 hours every day to my own morning practice. Why? Because through it I have found the me inside me – the one behind the clever brain, the capable body, the whip cracker/make it happen inner voice, and all the things I do which fill my day. It is my starting place to feeling anchored to what matters to me.
Just as it is true that a drowning person can’t save someone else who is drowning, I have found that choosing to invest my time and energy on the fact that if I’m happy, healthy, aligned, and connected to what is important to me, I can show up for those I love to be the same in their lives.
Matter – What it means
The Collins Dictionary has a beautiful definition of what it is to matter –
“to be of importance or consequence; have significance”
While it is natural to consider our importance, consequence, or significance from an external perspective, The Matters Experiment explores the actual human experience of what it means to matter in the world we live, in the lives of those we love, and most importantly, to ourselves.
Fascinatingly the word Matters comes from the Latin root ‘mater’, or Mother. The feeling that ‘I matter’ is a deeply personal and emotional experience that begins to imprint on us well before we are able to describe it.
I have an ongoing curiosity about this word and how we use it in our daily lives. We can be very casual in our use of the phrase “It doesn’t matter…” to end conversations or move them towards something else that we decide in the moment is more important. To say “It matters…” however, can feel far more revealing and vulnerable.
Contemplating what matters to us is a really deep process and it is one that brings responsibility and accountability into our lives. Realising how much you matter in the world and then what truly matters to you acts as a guide for the choices and decisions that are made every day. Honouring and prioritising what matters to us is a daily, life changing practice.
Wow, this is a huge concept and I am in awe of even trying to touch on it here with you. Come with me along the path of The Matters Experiment to explore your own experiences and we can bring words to what it feels like to matter, together.