In 2020, I was on a Zoom call with a group of women from across Australia, Canada, and the US who had been gathered together for a small business mentoring session. We had the opportunity to talk with an amazing woman who had spent over 35 years as an Executive and Relationship Coach. Her main clients were CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, and she worked closely with many of them over long periods of time on a personal level, as well as with their teams and intimate life partners.
The Zoom call was designed as an interactive session where the participants could ask her questions related to their businesses or lives more generally. It was quite an opportunity; many of us were in the early stages of launching our own business, and our issues were the nuts and bolts involved with learning new technology, basic business accounting and tax requirements, and getting out of our own way with marketing our expertise and services. Having the chance to talk with someone like her and her level of knowledge and expertise was a dream!
She was self-assured, confident, and clearly comfortable in her skin. Lounging back on a lovely leather couch with her arm draped along a leopard-skin print throw, she was quick to smile and engage with us all and it was clear from the start that this would be a good session.
I listened when my fellow participants asked their questions, and I watched how she generously shared her insights while being kind to meet each person where they were in their business journey so far. I didn’t have specific questions, but I enjoyed the back-and-forth conversation as others posed their personal challenges about businesses, relationships, and difficult interactions and dynamics with others.
As the session went on, I noticed a shift in her body language. She remained graceful and professional, but there was a subtle change in her tone—I wondered if it was a touch of irritation or impatience. She moved back and forward on the couch and shifted her weight on and off the foot she had tucked comfortably underneath herself for most of the call up to that point. Then, after about 25 minutes of questions, she put both feet on the floor, leaned forward, looked directly into the camera, and said something that has impacted my life since that moment.
“Look,” she said, “in 35 years of coaching CEOs, counselling couples, and working with teams, it doesn’t matter if it’s the boardroom, the workplace, your friendship group, or intimate relationships—everything always comes down to the same three things.”
Until now, I had been doodling a little in my notebook and enjoying the time away from my other commitments for the day while listening to the session. Her words jolted me to attention.
Forever the Engineer – I love clarity and straightforward logic – I immediately grabbed my pencil.
She continued, holding up three fingers with their perfectly manicured fingernails:
“People don’t feel like they’re valuable.
I wrote down … Valuable.
People don’t feel like they’re enough.
… Enough.
And people don’t feel like they matter.”
… Matter.
She nodded, sat back on the couch, shrugged her shoulders, and looked back at us on the screen, attentively waiting for our reaction.
I stared at my notebook, unsure whether I was stunned or underwhelmed.
When someone makes a bold claim, I often have an instinctive inner voice that questions it, thinking, That can’t be true!?
But this time, my brain was silent. I couldn’t dismiss what she said, yet I had NO IDEA if that could be true. What does she mean? How can EVERYTHING come down to those three things?
As the session continued, her words lingered in my mind. I don’t remember anything else from that day however in the days, weeks, months, and even years since, one overriding question has become an experiment in my own life:
Is the root of my discomfort, feelings of misalignment, or periods of unhappiness due to one of these three things—feeling like I’m not valuable, not enough, or that I don’t matter?
I didn’t mean to set out to prove her wrong or right; it has been simple curiosity that has led me from that day until now.
For all of the corporate training and leadership programs I have ever done, the self-development sessions, the professional mentoring I have received, and even the yoga or meditation retreats I’ve explored, I had never considered that all I experienced as external problems with my career, my relationships, or general sense of happiness and well-being could somehow be a result of my own sense and importance of myself, to myself.
Since this day, what I’ve come to know as The Matters Experiment has helped me make choices, set priorities, and learn how to uphold boundaries within myself and with others. Many of the shifts I’ve made in my life—stepping away from specific roles, pursuing new opportunities, and redefining what success means to me—have stemmed from this experiment. Since I started living this way, I’ve noticed profound changes in my life. I’ve been able to genuinely let go of what wasn’t serving me, pursue what actually lights me up, and cultivate a sense of peace and purpose that I thought was only a dream a few years ago.
These are all things that I’ve heard so many self-help or mindfulness experts say were possible, yet I had no idea how to actually DO it for myself.
The Matters Experiment tests the idea that when you truly believe you’re valuable, enough, and that you matter, the decisions you make and the life you build will align with your own unique, deepest sense of fulfillment and joy.
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At the start of 2025, The Matters Experiment is ready to be shared more widely.
If you are here, reading this Blog, I want to invite you to explore whatever is going on in your life, whatever challenge arises, or unexpected event occurs, or even whatever mood no notice you are experiencing for no obvious reason….
Join me in choosing to look inwards first by asking yourself –
“Is the root of why I feel misaligned or upset right now because I feel like I’m not valuable, not enough, or that I don’t matter?”
In my experience, the answer to each part of this question will give you your first clues to stop the incessant chase for the external markers of success, like career direction or relationships, at the expense of yourself. Prioritising these three core beliefs and letting them guide your choices from the inside out opens up a new world of confidence, clarity, and connection.
As an engineer and a scientist, I value the process of testing a hypothesis. This is what The Matters Experiment is. While I’ve seen the success of this approach in my own life, I am so excited to see where the data leads—for me and for you!
I genuinely believe that focusing on our sense of value, worth, and mattering can spark meaningful change in our lives and the world around us.
This is the mountain I’m ready to stand on. The Matters Experiment feels like the culmination of everything I’ve been working toward in the past decade—whether through my work, teaching, or personal choices. It’s my way of inviting others to see their worth, embrace their value, and move through the world knowing they matter.
And so, I’m here, ready to take this next step and I can’t wait for you to join me!
