While I was in Ireland recently, inspired, I think, by being in their home country, the album of the trip for me was U2’s Songs of Surrender. Listening to it as background music throughout the day, one song that stood out for me was ‘Every Breaking Wave’.
I found the final chorus line of “and stop chasing every breaking wave” was on repeat in my head. I know this song has relationship connections; however, the idea of chasing every breaking wave I realised so accurately described my behaviour in much of my life until recent times.
Being relatively bright and talented at a few things growing up, amazing opportunities presented themselves regularly, and I strived to take advantage of every single one.
This has filled my life with wonderful memories, yet when I’m honest, I recognise that a lot of tiredness, burnout, frustration, internal expectations, harsh self-judgment, and disappointment have also existed.
A few years ago, I realised I was chasing many opportunities because I felt like I was lacking something or filling the void of not feeling good enough in the eyes of others. I worried that I’d miss out if I didn’t do them and believed I needed to hold on tightly to make the most of them before they slipped away.
A year or so ago, one of my beloved friends shared ‘Whit’s fer ye will nae gie by ye’. While I can spell it but not say it aloud (!), the idea of ‘what’s for me will not get by me’ has given me the confidence to stop and assess before I automatically say yes. If it is meant for me, it won’t get by me, so I don’t need to try and scramble so hard.
Now I consider, ‘Do I really want to do this?’… ‘Is this the right time?’… ‘Does this feel right to me?’ Asking those questions means I say no a LOT more. I say no to things I realise I don’t want to do, think about, get upset about, or don’t need me involved. What a relief it is now that I am not scrambling to do so many things to prove myself or to show the ‘fictitious they’ that I am worth something.
Although most people in the world around me may not have noticed this change, it has had a huge impact on me. Just wanted to share.
