I will never forget the moment I was asked the question:
“Have you ever considered that you could achieve something without that voice in your head constantly pushing you?”
I can tell you exactly where I was sitting when those words were spoken… and exactly what happened in my head when I heard them.
I genuinely didn’t understand the question — it simply didn’t compute.
Doesn’t everyone push themselves to do that? Isn’t that what being at the “edge of your comfort zone” is all about?
I’ve achieved a lot in my life, and I’ve never not pushed myself — even as a little girl. That’s just how I did things. I overcame setbacks, solved my own problems, and worked my way around whatever was in front of me.
And I don’t think I’m alone here.
Those of us who show signs of talent, intelligence, or “potential” are often taught early on that if it’s not hard, it doesn’t count. If it came easily to us, imagine what we could do if we really applied ourselves?
Then, to encourage us, we’re often told how our efforts could have gone even further:
“Imagine if you had done it like that!”
“If you’d added this, it could have been even better.”
“Did you see what Janey did? That was fantastic!”
These comments are often shared with positive intent — but they can easily turn into internal stories of not being good enough, especially when we’re young. When this kind of expectation becomes part of our operating system, anything less starts to feel like something is wrong with us — like we’re weak, lazy, or somehow not up to scratch.
And it doesn’t stop with school or work.
That belief starts to shape everything.
Working hard.
Overcoming challenges.
Never giving up.
Getting back up when we’ve been knocked down.
These are good things… right?
And they’re hard.
Successful people do hard things all the time. Yes?
While I’ll probably always love setting and reaching goals, the real shift began when I started exploring how I wanted to achieve them. That became part of my personal Matters Experiment — asking those three internal questions:
Do I feel valuable?
Do I feel enough?
Do I feel like I matter?
And eventually, the bigger question followed:
Could I still achieve meaningful things while feeling those things — not just after the outcome, but during the process itself?
The short answer is yes.
And one of the compasses that’s helped guide me is Ease.
A dear friend once shared a Gaelic saying with me:
“Whit’s fer ye will nae gie by ye” — or What’s for you will not get by you.
Contemplating that phrase gave me so much faith and confidence to welcome ease into my life.
It helped me focus on what flows easily from me and to me, rather than chasing things I might not actually want — or that may not be right for me in this moment.
It’s helped me recognise that ease isn’t just the result of giving up.
It’s knowing when to stop pushing against what’s not meant for you.
It’s trusting yourself enough to choose differently — and believing your value isn’t measured by how exhausted you are.
As recently as this week, I’ve been choosing a slower, more deliberate path on a new project I care deeply about.
Not because I want it less… but because I want to enjoy myself while I’m creating it.
I want to feel like me — with myself and with the people around me — as I build this thing.
I’ve been using ease as a test.
If something flows easily, I go with it.
If I feel myself fighting an idea or pushing something uphill, that’s my signal to pause. To ask again. To check in.
And you know what?
It’s working.
I’m still getting things done.
But the voice in my head is much kinder company — and I think I am too.
This isn’t a dramatic life transformation.
It’s not perfect. But compared to how I used to approach goals or deadlines, this has been completely different.
And definitely better.
These kinds of experiments? You can start them any time.
No one even has to know.
From the outside, it might look the same — but on the inside?
It’s a whole different experience.
A better one.
If the idea of choosing ease — the kind that comes from feeling like you’re valuable, enough, and that you matter as you go about your day — feels like something you’re craving but don’t know how to begin…
I’ve created a tiny invitation for you.
A one-week experiment.
Nothing hard.
Nothing fancy.
Just seven days of choosing to live like you matter.
One small choice at a time.
I’ve been deep in the weeds with this kind of stuff for a long while now, and I am overflowing with ideas, stories, reflections, mistakes, and hidden gems that might just help you leap over holes I’ve already fallen into — so you don’t have to.
Let me help you.
If you’re done with pushing, proving, and everything feeling so hard, try answering this question:
What would change if you stopped proving your worth — and simply started living like it was already true?
P.S. I’ll be opening up this next Matters Experiment in just a few days. If you’re curious, stay close — and sign up to The Matters Experiment email community below to be the first to know when it’s live!
