Maybe it started in early high school…
I remember being keenly aware of the need to build my resume, diligently tracking the roles I took on and the activities I completed—proof of my worth and capability for the future.
Or maybe it started even earlier, when I became a competitive dancer shortly after beginning primary school. The title of “Champion” was so highly regarded, so frequently discussed in class, that every girl aspired to have her name on the trophy displayed in the studio. You were a Champion when your name was there—we even had a party to celebrate!
Either way, from an early age, I learned that what I did and the roles I took on were tightly woven into who I was and what others deemed important about me.
As an adult, I’ve accumulated roles, titles, and qualifications, building my resume while also being humbled by the achievements of others. There are people out there doing things I never even knew were possible. Yet, at the same time, my own list has made others feel intimidated or like they can’t relate to me.
Defining yourself by what you do can create both a sense of belonging and a sense of being isolated and alone.
Then there’s the internal experience. Some roles, titles, or qualifications I’ve earned don’t feel quite like me anymore. Sometimes, fulfilling them makes me feel like I’m not bringing my whole self to the table and that there is a large part of me that is unimportant or unvalued.
This has sparked a deep desire in me to be Just Me—not only inside the four walls of my home, but in the wider world. At first, I felt the fight, flight, or freeze response to the question, “So, what do you do?” But over time, I’ve learned to cultivate opportunities and relationships where I feel happy and confident to show up as Just Me. It feels freeing, liberating—a relief.
For a long time, I believed that external circumstances or other people kept me from being myself. But I’ve come to realize that the biggest barrier was my own fear—fear of judgment or fear of how I would be received. Sometimes, that fear was justified. There have been many times when I wasn’t seen the way I wanted to be, leaving me feeling small, frustrated, and misunderstood. But I’ve also learned that I have the power to choose where I invest my energy—whether I stay in spaces where I can’t be myself or redefine my boundaries to create relationships and environments that align with who I feel is the real Me.
I know I am not the things I do. I am not my accomplishments or my job title. But putting this into practice? That’s the real challenge.
So, on the homepage of The Matters Experiment, you’ll see me showing up in this heart project as Just Lisa. You can read more about what that looks like on the About Lisa page.
It hasn’t always been easy or pretty, but I’ve noticed a growing belief and confidence in choosing differently—stepping away when a role, title, or qualification no longer fits. By asking myself, Who am I if I’m not that? I’ve started to feel more like me every day.
